Mason.

Name: Mason.
(Beard) Age: 5 weeks. It grows fast.
Do you miss your chin? No.
Beard grooming routine: No tips, sorry.

There I was chowing on some leftover risotto in the lunchtime sunshine when I spotted Mason skulking past. Unfortunately I didn’t get long to chat to the lovely Mason as he was in rather a rush. It was only as he was walking away that I saw the brown paper sandwich bag in his hands. What a fool I am. I’m guessing, given the set of circumstances, that Mason had just purchased himself a sour dough brie and cranberry sanger. Picture if you will the 30 degree heat and what’s happening to that brie as a short English girl wielding a camera is probing you about your chin fuzz. Mmmm melty brie, you might think. But alas! For the bearded folk, melted cheese is a lunchtime horror show, resulting in what is commonly known as ‘cheese lip’, whose scent cannot be shaken until next shampoo.

So next time a bearded gent jostles past you, bear in mind his soggy brie and free his cheese lip. Except if it’s winter; then the lad clearly has no manners.

Jason II.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 months.
Do you miss your chin? I don’t, but others do. I used to be a model and have spectacular chin and jawline.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t groom. 

I’m pretty sure this guy made a very rude suggestion when I asked to take a picture of him. Thankfully, Alt-J’s soundcheck meant that I could pretend not to hear and ploughed ahead with the capture. Let’s just say, no tessellating.

Jason here not only appears to be  channelling Sean Lennon, but is also demonstrating dexterity with his beverage control. And that’s something so often overlooked about the facially-furred: they’re really good with their hands. Want to know why? They encounter so many daily high-fives from admiring onlookers that this crew develop super-human paw strength.

Just never, ever wrestle a bearded man.

Jason.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 years. Basically, ever since I went into an Indian restaurant and saw a Muslim man with a inspirational beard. It coincided with being likened to George Michael, so the timing felt right to try and grow a beard. Would you like to touch it? 
Do you miss your chin? I don’t miss my chin. It’s more the things I can’t eat I miss. Ice cream. It gets left in the beard.
Beard grooming routine: I shampoo occasionally and I pull out a couple of grey ones around my lip. 

This guy really takes the biscuit for being best beard-about-town; he is the first grower who has invited me to touch the goods. What we see in New Zealander Jason is a fantastically refreshing juxtaposition of trendoid and Integrity Beard. Jason teaches us the self-sacrifice involved in growing stuff from your face – despite looking like a guy who loves an ice cream (or at least a sorbet), Jason’s face-pledge means he can’t indulge in such treats. That, my friends, is akin to religion. Jason, in his Commes des Garcons and funky socks is actually a modern day monk. One that we would happily feed ice cream on a spoon.

Arnie.

Name: Arnie
(Beard) Age: 3 weeks
Do you miss your chin? No. Not at all
Beard grooming routine: Not much, you just gotta keep the neck tidy.

Thanks Arnie for being bearded and for being the first bearded entry. Keep up that excellent growth.