Tracker’s Tips No.3

What we see here ladies and gents is no normal bakery. This is a beardery; where you are sure to find upper crust beards, albeit with some whole wheat crumbs around the chops. The clincher being the array of ‘bidynamic’, ‘sprouted seed’ and ‘rye’ variations of the standard loaf. Bearded folk are so well-discoursed in the ins and outs of the food chain, they just cannot resist a bit of artisan bake alongside their smashed avo’. Grab yourself a pat of sea-salted butter and lie in wait.

 

Tracker’s Tips No. 2

Part 2 in the series of Tracker’s Tips, where we share vital hunting guidelines so that you too can snare some beard. Whilst beard spotting is a delightful and rewarding sport, we must never lose sight of safety (sorry to be a bore, it’s really not my style, but I don’t want to get taken offline). Just remember chaps, probably best not to have any food about your person whilst on the look-out. Especially muffin crumbs. But more about that later….

Tracker’s Tip No.2
It really is one of life’s great paradoxes. Why do the facially-hairy love bald-looking dogs? I suppose there’s only so much shedding one couch can take. I guarantee if you head down to the local park, attached to a whippet, greyhound or Peruvian Hairless Dog you will find a bearded man. And there you have an excellent ‘in’. Compliment the grower on his dog’s meek mannerisms, excellent shaking legs or lovely paranoid eyes. Just remember, never pat the beard, they may bite.

Tracker’s Tips No.1

In the five days since launching this cultural and creative project, I have encountered a heart-warming volume of support, ranging from “You’re a jerk”, to “Katie, where do you find such good beard?”. So, in this new series of hints and tips I will share with you eager readers the best ways to spot a beard in its natural habitat. If approached in a gentle manner with light footsteps and hands aloft, you should encounter no danger. Never, ever approach a bearded man when he is with his mate or his young.

Tracker’s Tip No.1
You will see here the bearded man has made markings about this tree. These specific markings mean the grower is thirsty and has most likely slunk off to the nearest waterhole/most expensive local coffee shop. This is an optimum time to approach the furry one, for he will be jittery on coffee and more than willing to share his bushy secrets.

Be brave explorers!