Fraser.

Name: Fraser.
(Beard) Age: The chops are two months, and the rest a month. It’s still so young. I’m flattered you asked me. 
Do you miss your chin? No. Sometimes I see a clean shaven chin and I do feel jealous, but ultimately I know it’s not for me. 
Beard grooming routine: Not at all. I don’t do any of that shampooing or conditioning. I do an occasional comb, but it’s early days, it’s fine. 

Apparently my opening gambit with Fraser was ‘I’ve been watching you from afar..’ though I’m normally so entranced with beard-excitement that I don’t remember how I begin these conversations. Anyway, I don’t mince my words, I had been watching from afar. That’s because Fraser had pitched up in a secluded corner of the local park to practise his juggling and tightrope walking, the same corner in which I hide and lay in wait of such growers. Sure, Fraser is still in Phase One of his growth, but I identified his bearded mindset as he flung his multi-coloured clubs and balanced on ribbon between the trees. He was a lovely chap and whole-heartedly behind the idea of this social and cultural project, even commenting on how refreshing he found it (it’s always incredible how quickly you can go from being a total creep asking a guy for his picture, to being a respected sociologist..).

Fraser shared a nugget of pure beard-gold with us, introducing the Daily Beard to Japanese Beard Modelling, where a beard is a prized facial feature (obviously) and will command a high fee promoting products “like beer”. What are you waiting for gents? Get to Japan pronto and let’s all get mad-rich off those chin-pieces.

Matt.

Name: Matt
(Beard) Age: 2 years. My ex wanted me to shave it. I could have killed her.
Do you miss your chin? No.
Beard grooming routine: Moroccan oil! My house mate had some, and I thought it was face wash and was like ‘er this is a bit slimey’, but then it did incredible things to my beard! It was so soft and sort of looked a bit, you know, Viking. I suppose I could use it in my hair next time too. Aside from that I think it’s really important to trim the bit around the mouth. You don’t want any overhang onto your lip. That looks dirty. 

I’ll come clean. It’d been a pretty dry couple of days in terms of capturing beard. I don’t know what happened, I simply lost what those vile moustache-hunters call ‘mo-jo’ but what us bearders call bo-jo. I even lingered around the soy snacks in the local independent supermarket and didn’t pluck up the courage. I lost sight of the fact that bearded men are a lovely people and it is a-ok to march right on up to them and demand their picture. After a text message from a friend which read ‘Get back on the beard train pls. THINK OF YOUR FANS’ and a couple of glasses of goon in the park, I knew it was time get back in the game and dragged a friend along to Collingwood’s densest fur-ground.

And so now I bring you wonderful Matt from the People’s Market. Matt is not only a talented dude for being involved with the cool-as-cucumber Wunce Mag, but he is a pedagog amongst beards. Moroccan oil! That shit is priceless. My bearded pal and Matt then really got excited and shared some excellent tips, but the focus had shifted from me so I reigned it back in. Matt, thank you for reminding me how much fun chatting to your kinfolk is, from henceforth you shall be known as People’s Matt of the People’s Market.

Tracker’s Tips No. 2

Part 2 in the series of Tracker’s Tips, where we share vital hunting guidelines so that you too can snare some beard. Whilst beard spotting is a delightful and rewarding sport, we must never lose sight of safety (sorry to be a bore, it’s really not my style, but I don’t want to get taken offline). Just remember chaps, probably best not to have any food about your person whilst on the look-out. Especially muffin crumbs. But more about that later….

Tracker’s Tip No.2
It really is one of life’s great paradoxes. Why do the facially-hairy love bald-looking dogs? I suppose there’s only so much shedding one couch can take. I guarantee if you head down to the local park, attached to a whippet, greyhound or Peruvian Hairless Dog you will find a bearded man. And there you have an excellent ‘in’. Compliment the grower on his dog’s meek mannerisms, excellent shaking legs or lovely paranoid eyes. Just remember, never pat the beard, they may bite.

Mark.

Name: Mark
(Beard) Age: 4 months. I shaved after Indonesia last year.
Do you miss your chin? Nope.  
Beard grooming routine: No, I just let it grow.

This is Mark. What a well-travelled and smiley chap he is. That relaxed demeanour actually masks an incredibly awkward scene whereby Mark’s amigo asked if I’d like his picture too. I’m afraid I didn’t and told him so. Yes, he had a bit of beard stuff going on although his visage portrayed a lack of commitment to the cause. But actually, the thing which offended me most was that he was wearing a t-shirt with a large moustache on it. Moustaches! Now that’s a lowly fetish.

Ben.

Name: Ben
(Beard) Age: 12 months.
Do you miss your chin? Yes. But I can’t shave, my girlfriend won’t let me. She’s never seen me without a beard and she likes it.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t have any tips, but I would like some.

This wonderful gent was the first grower I’ve approached who’s told me I was a little bit creepy. Oh Ben, if only you knew the half of it. That aside, he was quite lovely and a little bit embarrassed to be having a camera shoved in his growth, when all he wanted was a nice sip of pre-mix G&T (golly, don’t bearded folk love their gin!).

Ben’s girlfriend seems to be the reliable sort too, she can see Ben for far more than his chin. Ben, may I bring to your attention Samson? Sure, he got a sweaty neck in the heat with all that hair hanging about and his shampoo bill was astronomical. But without it, he died an incredibly painful and slow death. Don’t shave! There’s strength in those follicles.

Jason II.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 months.
Do you miss your chin? I don’t, but others do. I used to be a model and have spectacular chin and jawline.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t groom. 

I’m pretty sure this guy made a very rude suggestion when I asked to take a picture of him. Thankfully, Alt-J’s soundcheck meant that I could pretend not to hear and ploughed ahead with the capture. Let’s just say, no tessellating.

Jason here not only appears to be  channelling Sean Lennon, but is also demonstrating dexterity with his beverage control. And that’s something so often overlooked about the facially-furred: they’re really good with their hands. Want to know why? They encounter so many daily high-fives from admiring onlookers that this crew develop super-human paw strength.

Just never, ever wrestle a bearded man.

Dom.

Name: Dom
(Beard) Age: 4 months at current shape, but there’s been stuff going on for 10 years.
Do you miss your chin? I don’t have a chin. 
Beard grooming routine: No to grooming. I definitely do not straighten this beard.

This weekend I went along to Footscray’s Annual Beard Party. The tickets were a little pricey, but some of the guys had got some lovely bands to come down which jollied things along nicely. As you’d imagine, I met some cracking beard; Dom here being a fine example. I don’t mind telling you that for an enthusiast, this function was a little over-whelming and for much of it I focused on trying to get photos of bats above the stage Bat for Lashes were playing on. (It was a long day, there were beverages on hand and at the time I thought this would be both whimsical and clever…)

Anyway, more about Dom and that stuff on his cheeks. Isn’t it lovely! What that beard and terrific smile actually hide is a very sad story, which Dom’s friends enthusiastically leapt in to regale me with. Dom here was born without a chin, and until he was old enough to grow a beard he was at the receiving end of some terrible bullying. Quite possibly by said friends. More importantly, Dom’s plight highlights that beards can function on so many levels. This chin-piece has allowed Dom to go about a near-normal existence. Now that’s courage on the face of adversity.

Jason.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 years. Basically, ever since I went into an Indian restaurant and saw a Muslim man with a inspirational beard. It coincided with being likened to George Michael, so the timing felt right to try and grow a beard. Would you like to touch it? 
Do you miss your chin? I don’t miss my chin. It’s more the things I can’t eat I miss. Ice cream. It gets left in the beard.
Beard grooming routine: I shampoo occasionally and I pull out a couple of grey ones around my lip. 

This guy really takes the biscuit for being best beard-about-town; he is the first grower who has invited me to touch the goods. What we see in New Zealander Jason is a fantastically refreshing juxtaposition of trendoid and Integrity Beard. Jason teaches us the self-sacrifice involved in growing stuff from your face – despite looking like a guy who loves an ice cream (or at least a sorbet), Jason’s face-pledge means he can’t indulge in such treats. That, my friends, is akin to religion. Jason, in his Commes des Garcons and funky socks is actually a modern day monk. One that we would happily feed ice cream on a spoon.

Jamie.

Name: Jamie
(Beard) Age: Born with it.
Do you miss your chin? Can’t even remember what a chin is.
Beard grooming routine: None.

Ladies and gents, what we have here is the site’s first Integrity Beard. These growers are a fascinating subset with true focus and a dedication to the life of bearding. Often referred to as ‘Organic growers’ or even ”Heirloomers’, they sniff at a the recent resurgence of sprouting chins. These guys do it Stonehenge style. Look into Jamie’s eyes and you will see the tedium with which he regards my childish enthusiasm for beards. And of course, as with any Integrity Beard, a grooming routine is a laughable concept. I felt like a dick for asking. This isn’t fashion, this is a mindset.

It’s very  likely that Jamie will never see his chin again.

Tracker’s Tips No.1

In the five days since launching this cultural and creative project, I have encountered a heart-warming volume of support, ranging from “You’re a jerk”, to “Katie, where do you find such good beard?”. So, in this new series of hints and tips I will share with you eager readers the best ways to spot a beard in its natural habitat. If approached in a gentle manner with light footsteps and hands aloft, you should encounter no danger. Never, ever approach a bearded man when he is with his mate or his young.

Tracker’s Tip No.1
You will see here the bearded man has made markings about this tree. These specific markings mean the grower is thirsty and has most likely slunk off to the nearest waterhole/most expensive local coffee shop. This is an optimum time to approach the furry one, for he will be jittery on coffee and more than willing to share his bushy secrets.

Be brave explorers!