Ben.

Name: Ben
(Beard) Age: 12 months.
Do you miss your chin? Yes. But I can’t shave, my girlfriend won’t let me. She’s never seen me without a beard and she likes it.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t have any tips, but I would like some.

This wonderful gent was the first grower I’ve approached who’s told me I was a little bit creepy. Oh Ben, if only you knew the half of it. That aside, he was quite lovely and a little bit embarrassed to be having a camera shoved in his growth, when all he wanted was a nice sip of pre-mix G&T (golly, don’t bearded folk love their gin!).

Ben’s girlfriend seems to be the reliable sort too, she can see Ben for far more than his chin. Ben, may I bring to your attention Samson? Sure, he got a sweaty neck in the heat with all that hair hanging about and his shampoo bill was astronomical. But without it, he died an incredibly painful and slow death. Don’t shave! There’s strength in those follicles.

Jason II.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 months.
Do you miss your chin? I don’t, but others do. I used to be a model and have spectacular chin and jawline.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t groom. 

I’m pretty sure this guy made a very rude suggestion when I asked to take a picture of him. Thankfully, Alt-J’s soundcheck meant that I could pretend not to hear and ploughed ahead with the capture. Let’s just say, no tessellating.

Jason here not only appears to be  channelling Sean Lennon, but is also demonstrating dexterity with his beverage control. And that’s something so often overlooked about the facially-furred: they’re really good with their hands. Want to know why? They encounter so many daily high-fives from admiring onlookers that this crew develop super-human paw strength.

Just never, ever wrestle a bearded man.

Dom.

Name: Dom
(Beard) Age: 4 months at current shape, but there’s been stuff going on for 10 years.
Do you miss your chin? I don’t have a chin. 
Beard grooming routine: No to grooming. I definitely do not straighten this beard.

This weekend I went along to Footscray’s Annual Beard Party. The tickets were a little pricey, but some of the guys had got some lovely bands to come down which jollied things along nicely. As you’d imagine, I met some cracking beard; Dom here being a fine example. I don’t mind telling you that for an enthusiast, this function was a little over-whelming and for much of it I focused on trying to get photos of bats above the stage Bat for Lashes were playing on. (It was a long day, there were beverages on hand and at the time I thought this would be both whimsical and clever…)

Anyway, more about Dom and that stuff on his cheeks. Isn’t it lovely! What that beard and terrific smile actually hide is a very sad story, which Dom’s friends enthusiastically leapt in to regale me with. Dom here was born without a chin, and until he was old enough to grow a beard he was at the receiving end of some terrible bullying. Quite possibly by said friends. More importantly, Dom’s plight highlights that beards can function on so many levels. This chin-piece has allowed Dom to go about a near-normal existence. Now that’s courage on the face of adversity.

Jason.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 years. Basically, ever since I went into an Indian restaurant and saw a Muslim man with a inspirational beard. It coincided with being likened to George Michael, so the timing felt right to try and grow a beard. Would you like to touch it? 
Do you miss your chin? I don’t miss my chin. It’s more the things I can’t eat I miss. Ice cream. It gets left in the beard.
Beard grooming routine: I shampoo occasionally and I pull out a couple of grey ones around my lip. 

This guy really takes the biscuit for being best beard-about-town; he is the first grower who has invited me to touch the goods. What we see in New Zealander Jason is a fantastically refreshing juxtaposition of trendoid and Integrity Beard. Jason teaches us the self-sacrifice involved in growing stuff from your face – despite looking like a guy who loves an ice cream (or at least a sorbet), Jason’s face-pledge means he can’t indulge in such treats. That, my friends, is akin to religion. Jason, in his Commes des Garcons and funky socks is actually a modern day monk. One that we would happily feed ice cream on a spoon.

Jamie.

Name: Jamie
(Beard) Age: Born with it.
Do you miss your chin? Can’t even remember what a chin is.
Beard grooming routine: None.

Ladies and gents, what we have here is the site’s first Integrity Beard. These growers are a fascinating subset with true focus and a dedication to the life of bearding. Often referred to as ‘Organic growers’ or even ”Heirloomers’, they sniff at a the recent resurgence of sprouting chins. These guys do it Stonehenge style. Look into Jamie’s eyes and you will see the tedium with which he regards my childish enthusiasm for beards. And of course, as with any Integrity Beard, a grooming routine is a laughable concept. I felt like a dick for asking. This isn’t fashion, this is a mindset.

It’s very  likely that Jamie will never see his chin again.

Alfredo.

Name: Alfredo
(Beard) Age: One month….it’s very fast growing.
Do you miss your chin? No!
Beard grooming routine: No rules. Just do it. 

I’ve encountered huge swathes of prejudice against covered-cheeked men in the 78 hours since Daily Beard was born. It seems the Great Unbearded so oft take the standpoint of ‘never trust a bearded man’. What folly! Must I remind you that it was not a beard that Hitler chose to make his face-statement with?

Thankfully I don’t have to resort to Hitler chat, because instead I have the wonderful Alfredo here to restore the warm, hairy glow. No need to be afraid-o when Alfredo is around; for what a gemstone he was. Look into those eyes and remember that beards belong on Santas, not Hitlers.

*It hasn’t escaped my beardar that Harold Shipman was indeed a grower. But I am 73% sure that he had a real care-giving phase before he went and got all mass murder-y.

Mads.

Name: Mads
(Beard) Age: The beard is a year old, but I’ve shortened it for the heat.
Do you miss your chin? Not at all. In fact, it’s better to not have it. There isn’t anything wrong with my chin, you can just create a better shape with a beard. 
Beard grooming routine: I have three rules. 1. Symmetry on the sides. 2. It’s nice to get a 90 degree angle under the chin. 3. Never should it stick out further than your nose.

Imagine if you will: you’re sat eating roast capsicum infused humus when a beard so  noble strolls past that you choke on your rice cake. Fortunately for the Daily Beard, it wasn’t the death knoll and I got to have a chat with this wonderful Dane, fresh off the boat from Copenhagen. Mads and I didn’t actually discuss his mode of transport into the country, because we didn’t need to. That beard not only fits the face of a man who got off a boat, but one who rowed that boat from his native land. Mad-props to Mads’ beard etiquette, he’s the first grower to comb his chinwares before the shoot. Not so mad-props for me forgetting everything my YouTube tutorial taught me about taking someone’s picture. Excuse the blurriness, I was giddy.

A few minutes later Mads and I met again – the intrepid explorer returned for some Melbourne tips cementing our belief that beards form social bonds. I’ve got a beady eye and noting Mads’ trendy watch, I sent him off into Fat. But Mads, I want you to know, there’s nothing in Melbourne’s shops so cool as that face-rug you grew yourself.

Liam.

Name: Liam
(Beard) Age: This one has been going since November, but before that I had a four year old. 
Do you miss your chin? Definitely not.
Beard grooming routine: No rules, just keep it tidy around the edges. 

To snap Liam’s face-growth I bolted across Little Bourke street without checking for traffic, which serves to highlight the dangers I’ll go to to bring you beard. Luckily, once I’d coerced Liam into a safe laneway, he was a charming chap and well worth risking my life to capture his hirsute chops. Thanks Liam!