Zane.

Name: Zane.
(Beard) Age: Two months.
Do you miss your chin? I miss having a clean face. Yeah, I miss my chin. 
Beard grooming routine: No, just let it grow.

You may have noticed I’ve not been updating recently. Sure, Simon needed some getting over, but that wasn’t the sole reason for the bald patch. Guys, the thing is, Mercury has been in retrograde. I’m three classes into my new yoga life, and three classes is enough to trust your instructor when she tells you that until March 18th you must observe, but not act, you must reflect but not start anything new. Basically, it’s been a free pass to laziness and an opportunity to watch beards from afar, collecting notes until Mercury gets on his jolly way again. So as of today, I’m back in action and first stop was the lovely Zane!

Isn’t he a healthy specimen! Zane here is a courier, and although I really wanted to ask him about that computer gadget on the table next to him, in the name of the blog I kept things follicle focused. Zane says that it’s quite possible his beard slows his daily work zipping around the city, but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make to live the beardy life. Hear, hear Zane! Leave life in the fast lane for the baby-faced. If you’ve got it, grow it.

Mason.

Name: Mason.
(Beard) Age: 5 weeks. It grows fast.
Do you miss your chin? No.
Beard grooming routine: No tips, sorry.

There I was chowing on some leftover risotto in the lunchtime sunshine when I spotted Mason skulking past. Unfortunately I didn’t get long to chat to the lovely Mason as he was in rather a rush. It was only as he was walking away that I saw the brown paper sandwich bag in his hands. What a fool I am. I’m guessing, given the set of circumstances, that Mason had just purchased himself a sour dough brie and cranberry sanger. Picture if you will the 30 degree heat and what’s happening to that brie as a short English girl wielding a camera is probing you about your chin fuzz. Mmmm melty brie, you might think. But alas! For the bearded folk, melted cheese is a lunchtime horror show, resulting in what is commonly known as ‘cheese lip’, whose scent cannot be shaken until next shampoo.

So next time a bearded gent jostles past you, bear in mind his soggy brie and free his cheese lip. Except if it’s winter; then the lad clearly has no manners.

Andrew.

Name: Andrew
(Beard) Age: 2-3 years.
Do you miss your chin? No, this helps me out. It’s the family curse to have a double chin. 
Beard grooming routine: Oh, you have to shampoo. Not so much condition, but shampoo, every other day. 

Here we have the second grower in a row whose chin-piece hides what lurks beneath. I nodded sympathetically as Andrew mentioned his genetic jawline, knowing full well I’d been sat up at 1am the night before, trawling through all 1,029 of  my Facebook pictures to find out when my own jowls had slackened (2009). I told Andrew I wish I could grow a beard too…

Anyway, on that belter, I parted company with Andrew and sat back down with my lunch companions a few feet away. Whilst they happily chattered on, I suddenly became incredibly distracted by Andrew’s shoes. Holy moly, this guy had dream boots on! Brown, leather, a bit of a buckle… And there like an asteroid out of space, the realisation hit me on the chin(s), bearded men have excellent taste in footwear. I bet you can spot some follicles with fancy footwork on your lunch break today.

Mark.

Name: Mark
(Beard) Age: 4 months. I shaved after Indonesia last year.
Do you miss your chin? Nope.  
Beard grooming routine: No, I just let it grow.

This is Mark. What a well-travelled and smiley chap he is. That relaxed demeanour actually masks an incredibly awkward scene whereby Mark’s amigo asked if I’d like his picture too. I’m afraid I didn’t and told him so. Yes, he had a bit of beard stuff going on although his visage portrayed a lack of commitment to the cause. But actually, the thing which offended me most was that he was wearing a t-shirt with a large moustache on it. Moustaches! Now that’s a lowly fetish.

Ben.

Name: Ben
(Beard) Age: 12 months.
Do you miss your chin? Yes. But I can’t shave, my girlfriend won’t let me. She’s never seen me without a beard and she likes it.  
Beard grooming routine: I don’t have any tips, but I would like some.

This wonderful gent was the first grower I’ve approached who’s told me I was a little bit creepy. Oh Ben, if only you knew the half of it. That aside, he was quite lovely and a little bit embarrassed to be having a camera shoved in his growth, when all he wanted was a nice sip of pre-mix G&T (golly, don’t bearded folk love their gin!).

Ben’s girlfriend seems to be the reliable sort too, she can see Ben for far more than his chin. Ben, may I bring to your attention Samson? Sure, he got a sweaty neck in the heat with all that hair hanging about and his shampoo bill was astronomical. But without it, he died an incredibly painful and slow death. Don’t shave! There’s strength in those follicles.

Jason.

Name: Jason
(Beard) Age: 2 years. Basically, ever since I went into an Indian restaurant and saw a Muslim man with a inspirational beard. It coincided with being likened to George Michael, so the timing felt right to try and grow a beard. Would you like to touch it? 
Do you miss your chin? I don’t miss my chin. It’s more the things I can’t eat I miss. Ice cream. It gets left in the beard.
Beard grooming routine: I shampoo occasionally and I pull out a couple of grey ones around my lip. 

This guy really takes the biscuit for being best beard-about-town; he is the first grower who has invited me to touch the goods. What we see in New Zealander Jason is a fantastically refreshing juxtaposition of trendoid and Integrity Beard. Jason teaches us the self-sacrifice involved in growing stuff from your face – despite looking like a guy who loves an ice cream (or at least a sorbet), Jason’s face-pledge means he can’t indulge in such treats. That, my friends, is akin to religion. Jason, in his Commes des Garcons and funky socks is actually a modern day monk. One that we would happily feed ice cream on a spoon.

Alfredo.

Name: Alfredo
(Beard) Age: One month….it’s very fast growing.
Do you miss your chin? No!
Beard grooming routine: No rules. Just do it. 

I’ve encountered huge swathes of prejudice against covered-cheeked men in the 78 hours since Daily Beard was born. It seems the Great Unbearded so oft take the standpoint of ‘never trust a bearded man’. What folly! Must I remind you that it was not a beard that Hitler chose to make his face-statement with?

Thankfully I don’t have to resort to Hitler chat, because instead I have the wonderful Alfredo here to restore the warm, hairy glow. No need to be afraid-o when Alfredo is around; for what a gemstone he was. Look into those eyes and remember that beards belong on Santas, not Hitlers.

*It hasn’t escaped my beardar that Harold Shipman was indeed a grower. But I am 73% sure that he had a real care-giving phase before he went and got all mass murder-y.

Mads.

Name: Mads
(Beard) Age: The beard is a year old, but I’ve shortened it for the heat.
Do you miss your chin? Not at all. In fact, it’s better to not have it. There isn’t anything wrong with my chin, you can just create a better shape with a beard. 
Beard grooming routine: I have three rules. 1. Symmetry on the sides. 2. It’s nice to get a 90 degree angle under the chin. 3. Never should it stick out further than your nose.

Imagine if you will: you’re sat eating roast capsicum infused humus when a beard so  noble strolls past that you choke on your rice cake. Fortunately for the Daily Beard, it wasn’t the death knoll and I got to have a chat with this wonderful Dane, fresh off the boat from Copenhagen. Mads and I didn’t actually discuss his mode of transport into the country, because we didn’t need to. That beard not only fits the face of a man who got off a boat, but one who rowed that boat from his native land. Mad-props to Mads’ beard etiquette, he’s the first grower to comb his chinwares before the shoot. Not so mad-props for me forgetting everything my YouTube tutorial taught me about taking someone’s picture. Excuse the blurriness, I was giddy.

A few minutes later Mads and I met again – the intrepid explorer returned for some Melbourne tips cementing our belief that beards form social bonds. I’ve got a beady eye and noting Mads’ trendy watch, I sent him off into Fat. But Mads, I want you to know, there’s nothing in Melbourne’s shops so cool as that face-rug you grew yourself.

Liam.

Name: Liam
(Beard) Age: This one has been going since November, but before that I had a four year old. 
Do you miss your chin? Definitely not.
Beard grooming routine: No rules, just keep it tidy around the edges. 

To snap Liam’s face-growth I bolted across Little Bourke street without checking for traffic, which serves to highlight the dangers I’ll go to to bring you beard. Luckily, once I’d coerced Liam into a safe laneway, he was a charming chap and well worth risking my life to capture his hirsute chops. Thanks Liam!

Arnie.

Name: Arnie
(Beard) Age: 3 weeks
Do you miss your chin? No. Not at all
Beard grooming routine: Not much, you just gotta keep the neck tidy.

Thanks Arnie for being bearded and for being the first bearded entry. Keep up that excellent growth.